On May 20, 2023, my two children, twin brothers, Xi Heng and Xi Hong, were diagnosed with autism at the NUH Children’s Development Center. That day, I was devastated and filled with infinite self-blame and guilt as I faced my children. I had no one in whom I could confide my worries, and no one who could understand my feelings. With a broken heart, I even thought of leaving this world with my two little boys in my arms and entrusting my husband to take care of the eldest. At the darkest moment of my life, I called a friend, who unexpectedly met Sister Chen Ming! I added Sister Chen Ming on WeChat on August 2, 2023. On the afternoon of August 4 at 5.50pm, Sister Chen Ming sent me a message saying, “Jesus will lead us on the path of life,” and shared a passage of the Bible, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). On August 8, 2023, Sister Chen Ming invited Sister Guan Yu to visit my family together. Once again, I couldn’t control my emotions and shed tears in front of them. Dear God, I am a lost lamb, but by Your great love, You sent sisters from the church to find me.” Finally, on August 13, 2023, I attended Life Tree Christian Church for the first time. Here, I found an unprecedented sense of security. I met Pastor Andrew Tan, Elder Keli, Deacon Xing Guo, Sister Baoli, and many other brothers and sisters. Thanks to Jasmine Swee and Guo Hua, and Sister Ethel Thian Su Hui for their hospitality at the church. Because of all of you, my heart has been warmed by your love for the Lord!!!
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). After Pastor taught me the course of Basic Bible Class, I chose Jesus as my personal Savior! After I took the course, I understood even more that everything in the universe was created by God. I am more convinced that only the Lord Jesus can cleanse me of my sins. Because I am an ordinary person, so I am a sinner. I am willing to confess my sins before Jesus, bring my sins and regrets before the Lord, and rely on Him in all things. I want to praise the Lord!
After trusting in Jesus, the Lord changed my life. I can now live my life in security and do my best. I can have peace and joy that transcends all understanding! My husband and I repair cars and sell car parts. We also do a bit of car sales now. After trusting in the Lord, I am more willing to share profits and benefits with others in business. I understand that a business deal may not be successful, but righteousness must be maintained. Even if business is bad, I understand that everything has its ups and downs. I now know how to wait patiently for my brand to grow. Psalm 139:1-6: “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue, you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.”
After trusting in the Lord, I also regarded my children as gifts from God’s estate. I must treat this estate patiently. I must guard it faithfully and lovingly. Before trusting in the Lord, I would be concerned over everything about them (especially after doctors diagnosed them as autistic). I was particularly afraid that after the eldest son has grown up, he would be burdened by the twins. Worries weighed on me, but there was no place to talk about the bitterness in my heart. Even when laughing, tears of bitterness would sometimes escape my eyes. My husband repeatedly advised me not to worry too much, fearing that I would suffer from depression. One day he asked his friend to advise me to see a psychologist. The Lord prepared a husband who sympathised with and loved me. Thank the Lord! Thank the Lord for giving me a spiritual rebirth at the Tree of Life Christian Church. After trusting in the Lord, I also understand the instruction, “do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (Matthew 6:34). After trusting in the Lord, I understand more about forgiving my husband. He does not have it easy. As the head of a household, he takes care of so many people, the old (parents) and the young (children). I can understand his difficulties more, and I know that I must respect and honour my parents-in-law. Since my husband is so busy, I shall take the place of my husband to respect his parents as my own parents. I have to live with my mother-in-law in Singapore. We often had disagreements. Without trusting the Lord, I would be angry with them due to my exhaustion with work and family. This resulted in many unhappy moments. Now, after trusting the Lord, this phenomenon is almost gone. I am willing to try and understand the sufferings and difficulties they experienced throughout their lives. We have lived together for 13 years. May the Lord help me to live in harmony with them. “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1). Thank the Lord for preparing a husband who sympathises with me. Although my husband and I are not perfect due to our sinful nature, I will pray for him and myself before the Lord! May I be able to move him to come to the Lord. I will evangelise to my family. I hope my family can receive God’s mercy and blessing, I am willing to pray for them at all times, and I pray in the name of Jesus, Amen!