God would never abandon His sheep

Author:Cai Lei

I was a staunch atheist and a believer in scientific theories before becoming a Christian. I would only be convinced if it was proven with science. At the same time, I was also a true blue “love brain” who believes that love is all. But no matter how sweet the love is, my heart would still feel empty. I classify this as a lack of belonging when in a foreign country. As a result, I decided to change my nationality. I chose to trust my own strength in managing my love life, marriage and career, which failed miserably in the end. I was plunged into nine long years of depression and self-doubt. I confess that I am a sinner, in need of Jesus to forgive my sins, and I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior.

Recalling the times when I was a new believer, it was pure as a newborn, receiving everything with joy. But when I left Singapore, thus leaving the church and my brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as leaving the Lord’s embrace, my life went on a divergent. I thought that I would just live the rest of my live with no clue and no goals, like that of an ostrich who’s ignorant of its surrounding. Occasionally there would be a voice deep in my heart, questioning: “Cai Lei, do you want to continue living like this? If your parents are not here anymore, what would you do alone? How can you bring up your child? Is this the example you want to set for your child?”

In a moment, I was touched. I decided to return to Singapore, even if it means to start from the beginning with my daughter. At the same time, I felt strongly that I should be coming back to God. I needed to come to church. I chanced upon sister Hai Yan when I signed up for a course in HMI. I felt a sense of familiarity towards her for no reason, and also trustworthiness. Thus, I followed sister Hai Yan to TOLCC, even though it was far from my home. I had not touched the Bible for the last 10 years, I am still determined to come with her. In truth, when I first stepped into TOLCC, I felt a sense of returning home, I was triggered by the sudden emotion and was on the verge of tears. Recalling my journey so far, these have all been God’s arrangement—He would never abandon His sheep, even though I ran away from Him for 9 years.

Now I am back. I brought with me a new thirst for the Lord. I started attending Basic Bible Class, got to know God afresh, and learned about the Bible, and how to live a Christian life. Every Sunday service and Sunday school gave me a deeper understanding of God’s word. I also understood the reason for wayward days when I was young. God’s love is the only thing that is everlasting and that will never change. Only God’s covenant is trustworthy and faithful. The omnipresent, always present and omnipotent God is the only Savior and worthy of eternal trust.

Renewing my faith made me fearless, I am no longer hesitant nor worrisome. Although I encounter problems of every kind daily, I would occasionally feel fearful and worry. I still make mistakes. But I would not fear because God has all the answers for me. With the love and care of Pastor and my brothers and sisters in Christ in TOLCC, I am not alone anymore. Thus, I would like to conclude my testimony with the verse that I love from the bible:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

May God bless all who hear His word.