When I settled in Singapore in 1993, someone warned me, “do not go to church; churches cheat you of your money. Bearing this in mind, whenever Christians gave out tracts or wanted to share the gospel, I either ignored or ridiculed them. I just wanted to live an ordinary life. As I did not speak English, I couldn’t find a suitable job and I had to rely on my husband to support me. No matter how I tightened my belt, the net family income less the bank loan we had to service put us below the poverty line. I did not like to speak with the locals as the majority I had encountered could barely speak Chinese or they did not understand China. Some asked if I tended to the fields or cannot believe that I lived in a 25-storey high building in Beijing. My neighbours thought it impossible of us to purchase the HDB unit that we are living in Singapore. Caught in a swirl of depression, a loss of pride and self-esteem, with no sense of belonging or security, I felt tormented all the time. I thought to myself as to why I ever came to this horrible place and start my family. Why couldn’t I be like my sister, riding on China’s open door policy to make a lot of money. Then I could buy big houses, posh cars, enjoyed fine dining and wear branded clothing. I was unwilling to call my parents and I had no money to return home to China. I became increasingly reclusive. My health worsened and I lost weight. Mentally and physically, I was at the brink of collapse. Those who warned me against the church did not help me. I could not help myself, much less help others. My life was a real life enactment of ‘Les Miserables’ every day!

Then, I started reflecting on the purpose of living. If people must die, why then should we live? If death is inevitable, why does it terrify? Why do some fear death so much so that they continue to struggle in the world? If death cannot solve any problem, why do people say ‘a good death is better than living’? If being wealthy is everything, does not my family earn quite a lot? Why is life still unsatisfying? Is living about eating, drinking and being merry? Yet we are all heading towards death and we cannot bring any bit of enjoyment with us. What truly is the meaning of life?

Thank God that I bought a book entitled “the Bible story” in 2005. “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?” (Matthew 6:25). My understanding of this verse then was that so long as one believes in Jesus Christ, one will have food to eat. Once my Christian friends invited me to church, I went without hesitation. When I first attended the church service, I offered the 50 cents I had with me to find out if that verse will come true. When the rest were singing the hymn “Jesus loves me,” all of a sudden I was so overwhelmed by my emotions and tears came pouring out of me. It felt like Jesus has lifted the invisible weight off my shoulders and He is looking upon me kindly and comforting me. I have found my savior, Jesus Christ!

God has blessed me with a job, an unthinkable dream since I came to Singapore. I have gained financial independence. God also arranged for my daughter, Davina, a loving kindergarten teacher. When I saw that she was not as sickly as before and went to school happily every day, I was filled with thanks to God. I need not worry about finances. Life has settled down. I am no longer troubled by my previous superstitions. I am also not bitter towards Singaporeans anymore. I feel more at peace. Although my relatives and friends are still much richer than I am, I did not have a low self-esteem. I know that Jesus is unlike the world which values me by my social status and appearance. I was baptized in 2008. My world became sunny, vibrant and I felt that I was finally living like a real person: “The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness’” (Jeremiah 31:3). Also, I brought Davina to church with me almost every week and it seemed like life was almost perfect. I still sensed, however, that something was missing.

In 2011, after the relentless invitations of Sister Seet Lee Wah, our whole family came to “Tree of Life.” I was touched by its homely warmth and sincerity, and Pastor Andrew Tan’s dedication towards the truth. All of a sudden, I did not feel like a Chinese national residing in Singapore. This place has become my home. In the church, Davina has more than 10 sisters and brothers of her age group. Daniel has become a genuinely caring person who is thoughtful towards his siblings. He was baptized that very year and our whole family has experienced salvation. Looking at the fervent hearts of our brothers and sisters, I felt ashamed for being a passive Christian as I was waiting for them to love and pray for me, and to bear my worries with me. I am a Christian with hands, legs and a heart too. God has blessed me in many ways. Shouldn’t I contribute something in return? As I look back, I realized that my difficult past has brought me to God. If I had material abundance in the past, I would have missed the blessings of eternal life in heaven.

Praise the Lord! I know I am a sinner. The sin and shame I bore would not prevent me from lifting my head up before the Lord. I really do not deserve such blessings, but “for God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him” (John 3: 16-17).

I love the hymns “Amazing Grace”, “A Gift”, “Sweet hour of prayer” and “This World Is Not My Home.” Each time when I hear or sing them, my heart is moved. Praise the Lord!