Back in November 2008, I was a type “A” workaholic who condoned with little imperfection. Due to my character, I was also struggling to get along with a lot in life. An ex-colleague offended me during an event. This led to my messaging to my bosses on that Sunday evening that if this person’s rudeness could be tolerated in their organization, I would leave the company. The two bosses gave separate responses. One told me to leave. The other wanted to find out what happened. Knowing the latter is a faithful Christian, I asked her what a Christian would do. Her reply was to ‘apologize’ and come to her church service. I was shocked and saddened but I took her advice for I knew I was incredibly unhappy and something serious was missing in my life.
It was like fate that I managed to reach the church that very day as I was totally lost driving in Jurong without a printed or electronic map. I prayed for His will and if it is, please bring me there. What’s more, I got a good parking lot. Woohoo! It was a teary first sermon and I felt something reaching to some part in myself and I felt terribly guilty of the wrong doings and way of seeing things, judging people around me and being so demanding. Second woohoo. I went off to Tasmania in December with my in-law and husband. It was a wonderful trip. I was glad that what began with apprehension and sleepless nights, ended with my in-law thinking that the holiday was too short. Then, I thought it must be the Bible, teachings from the catechism and bible classes that changed the way I viewed things. I did not care about how much couple time I had with my husband but rather if my in-law felt comfortable with us and that it was my duty to look after her. Not long after, there were feedback raining in from colleagues and bosses that I seemed like a changed person: I was more smiley and friendlier to all.
October 2009. I was pregnant with my triplets and was bedridden throughout. It was not even an ordeal for me as I had all the time in the world to read the Bible for myself and to my fetuses. There were times when I was bleeding and was at risk of losing the kids. But I entrusted the children to Him. If it were His Will, please protect them. I wanted two girls and a boy and may they have the character resilience of their father and my stronger physical attributes. Also, may they remind me of my husband and remind me of my husband when we gazed at them.
April 2010. I was reading Joshua 9 aloud to my kids that night when I was resting in the ward waiting for their arrival. They were as I had prayed! They were healthy and I thought that my kids were all so beautiful. Behind the thrill of being first time parents, my husband and I faced a trial we never had before – a lack of sleep and time to communicate. We could not see this coming. Unfortunately, with the clashes of ideas and also my own mismanagement of the folks around us, I was left alone to take care of the kids. I faced a lot of pressure to get my health in order, learn the ropes of childcare, maid management, extended family management, and also finding my way back to church without feeling the guilt of being a bad mother. There were moments when I felt that my marriage was a withered plant that had been left unattended for 2 years. I tried reading the Application Bible on my own, seeing a marriage counsellor and a psychiatrist to seek their opinions but none of the advice seemed more apt than the book “Sacred Influence” that Sister Baoli gave me as a birthday gift on November 2010.
December 2012. Thanking my husband for taking care of the kids, I had the opportunity to attend church and listen to the gospel. My quiet time was not regular. Increasingly, I am seeing more of my tantrums and sinful self in my children and I am afraid that they would pick up my bad temper instead of the best in life that I wish for them. I see an immense need for me to go back to church regularly to immerse myself in the gospel and to let them learn the right path
I do not want them to go my ‘wayward’ path and I sincerely hope that through righting myself, they may have a better chance in life.