As a child, I lived in a village and followed my parents in worshipping idols Dua Pek Gong, Guan Yin and etc.) at home.  I remember while living in the countryside, there would be prayers, getai and Hokkien opera performances at the temple in the village.  Back then, I was ten years old and was walking with my neighbor through a very dark and muddy path at night with my torchlight.  The path was about one kilometer long and was covered with trees and grass on both sides.  I started feeling unwell after watching the getai and opera at the temple; I was frightened and rushed home.  When I reached home, my mother asked me why I looked so pale but I was unable to give her an explanation.  As days went by, I was afraid of crowded places and lacked a sense of security.  I fell sick frequently when I was studying and I became skinnier that year.  I felt as if I had stepped on something supernatural.  My mother would often take me to the temple to seek help from the medium.  I also visited the doctor on my own.  The doctor told me that I was suffering from fatigue and prescribed some medication for me.  The medium, however, said that I was possessed, and I was given talisman water to drink.  I also had to carry an amulet.  It was a very tough time for me.

Although I managed to graduate from secondary school, I was unable to continue my studies.  So, I had to work.  I started working in a school library and met two junior college students who brought me to Calvary Pandan Bible Presbyterian Church to learn about Christ.  After I believed in Christ, I served in church fervently.  I would take part in every activity and memorized bible verses.  The Church even gave me a certificate.  During those years, I was very faithful and joined my fellow sisters in Christ in distributing tracts and sharing the gospel.

I have believed in Christ for over ten years.  My life had its ups and downs.  Before I believed in Christ, I worshipped idols but after I believed in Christ, I stopped.  After believing in Christ, I tried very hard to join the Church’s fellowship but I also encountered problems in life.  A few years ago, my career, life and family were not successful.  The Pastor of the church which I had been attending returned to America and the congregation split.  I started attending church less often.  I would occasionally attend other churches.  My good friends also left me and some drifted away from me after they got married.  My family was giving me more pressure.  I loaned a large sum of money to help a friend with his business but he ran away without repaying me.  I gave him my friendship but he treated it like trash.  Be it in love or in life, I was cheated by people and felt that these cheaters were cruel.  It made me wonder what the significance of true feelings were.  My true feelings were reciprocated with unkindness.  At that point I would often doubt others and I found it difficult to trust people.  Words could not describe how sad and hurt I was.  I wanted to escape and live a quiet life.

After 40 odd years, I got married when I was middle aged, hoping that I could find a partner who would lighten my burden and offer me support.  Unfortunately, things did not turn out as expected.  God also opened another door – He wanted to train me in forbearance.  After marriage, my partner did not offer me any help or concern but instead gave me more pressure and left me emotionally drained.  I would have nightmares and woke up in the middle of the night often.  I almost suffered depression.

 

In the past when I was feeling down, my relatives and friends would invite me to join their religion such as Japanese sect, Buddhism, Taoism and etc.  I turned them down and told them that I am a Christian I only believe that Christ is the one true God.  I spent two years in Taiwan where Christian programs were available on television daily.  Be it singing hymns, prayers or bible stories, I was touched by them.  There was once when my prayer was answered and I would like to share it with everyone.

Winter that year was especially cold.  I planted 2 strawberries at the balcony on the rooftop which were frequently wilting and growing again.  One day, it bloomed.  That day, I was really happy and spoke to it innocently. I said, “Stawberry, strawberry, you must give me the best and sweetest fruit.”  I started praying and thanked God for the fresh new strawberry. The day the strawberry matured.  I realized that the strawberry which I prayed for and spoke to grew twice as large.  I was very happy that it was the first time I grew such a big strawberry.  I picked the strawberry and cut it into half to share it with my husband.  Although each of us only had half the strawberry, it was still very sweet.  Thank God I was in good spirits because the first fruit which I grew was big and sweet.  I thought God would also hope that the fruits of Christians would be big and sweet too.

All these years I have given so much but was treated unkindly.  Looking back, it was all because of sin.  The bondage of sin had brought me more misery than joy.  It was I who did not place God first and always did whatever I felt was right.  I did things without wisdom.  When you look at the sky, it is still blue, the earth never stops spinning, and people are still busy.  Who has the time to care about you?  Overwhelmed with emotions and hurt deeply, the heart is ever changing and only God’s love would never change.

Last year when I came to Singapore, I joined Tree of Life Christian Church.  Through my caring brothers and sisters in Christ, I was beginning to be revitalized.  We are all sinners but who have been justified by faith.  When I believed Jesus Christ as my Savior, I have been saved.  When I am weak, God will still let me return to His side so I can receive His care and protection.  I am no longer that affected by my losses.  I try my best to learn things that I should learn. “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” (Psalms 119:105)