I had always regarded treating others fairly and being responsible in one’s duties as everyone’s responsibility. I considered myself a perfectionist and my expectation of things and people were just as exacting. I often pushed myself to meet my own expectations and also had high expectations of friends who were around me. Such a perfectionist mindset turned people away from me. I had unknowingly offended many people. Consequently, I have few good friends amongst the many friends I have. I often sighed that life was difficult. I did not understand that being gracious and sympathetic was the best way to remove misunderstanding between people. I was seeking meaning to life. I had hoped to find that missing piece of my life puzzle. I sought to be satisfied by relationships between kin, lovers and friends. I thought that success in one’s career and marriage was the missing piece in the puzzle of my life. In these years of pursuit, I may have attained what I set out to find but the vacuum in my life remained. I hence continued to seek after it …

In the year 2007, I met the Lord in the midst of sorrow and pain. I was working in a company that sold health products. The working environment was highly tensed as the company aggressively pushed its employees to meet sales targets. I lived in constant fear and pressure of being unable to meet my sales target. My days seemed like years. When my colleagues saw that I was shattered and exhausted, they brought me to church in the hope that I would pull through these difficult times with the Lord’s strength. When I stepped into church, I could sense an awe of holiness. When I heard the holy hymns, tears streamed from my eyes uncontrollably. The hurt and turmoil in my heart like gushing waters overwhelmed me. As I prayed, I felt the long awaited peace and sense of security. When I left the church sanctuary, I told myself: I had found a fortress: the Lord Jesus. From then on, every time I had to attend a sales meeting, I would first retreat into a warehouse to kneel down and pray that I would be able to meet the sales target. As my boss’ demand for high sales returns overwhelmed me, I refused to admit that I was limited in my ability. I was stretched to the limit. After eight months of struggle, I was burnt out. With tears in my eyes, I prayed to the Lord that if indeed this job was not suitable for me, He would remove my ambitious heart and that I would look for another job and not wear myself out for the sake of saving face. In June, 2008, I finally left what I regarded as an impossible dream. I then went into teaching. I taught in a kindergarten that trained children in art and craft. This was a part time job with uncertain working hours. Furthermore, there was also no longer that pressure to excel. Together, they caused me to become complacent. I stopped reading the Bible and praying. As I did not wish to meet my former colleagues, I also stopped going to church. I felt distant from the Lord. At that time, I was still not baptised. In the year 2009, I became a full time language teacher of a kindergarten. Everyone has his or her own weakness. This is especially apparent in the midst of strife and dissension. Whether it is a big or small organisation, there will always be people who are envious, petty or unkind. The wiles and tactics of small and big factions add to the confusion.

When I was thrown into such a place, I once again remembered the almighty and loving God. It so happened that my neighbour who was like a dear sister to me, Yu Jie, moved to Clementi. She encouraged me to attend Tree of Life Christian Church and to continue our friendship. I once again returned to the routine of attending Sunday Worship. I once again returned to the Lord’s bosom that was peaceful, tender and warm. I recalled how when first entreated for the Lord’s protection and how He saved me from danger. How could I be an ungrateful person? I resolved that I must not be ungrateful to my Heavenly Father. I then registered to attend Basic Bible Class. Pastor Tan’s concise five lessons helped me to understand further the Christian faith. I decided to get baptised. I resolve to be a serious child of God.

Pastor Tan patiently and earnestly taught me that a Christian’s Quiet Time is the most critical avenue of spiritual growth. It is the duty of every Christian to take 15 to 30 minutes to draw close to God to read the Bible, to understand and meditate on God’s Word and then to pray. It is a Christian’s duty to do what pleases God. Every morning, I read the Bible, pray and commit myself to my Heavenly Father. I feel in my heart an indescribable sense of calmness and joy. As I face strife and dissension, rights or wrongs, joy or sorrow, I also learn to live out the truth of “love others as yourself” with a touch of graciousness and understanding that sometimes defies reason. What surrounds me now are lovely and smiling faces of innocent children. I live daily with a heart of a new born babe, without a sense of pressure, learning with the children in boundless joy.